Out of Darkness
How I came out of darkness into light is miraculous. It is sometimes hard to tell my testimony in complete detail. It is hard for me to look back at who I was before God showed me truth. But my past is what I have. There are some people who need to hear all of my testimony. That is where I have to lean on God’s wisdom. I have shared this story twice this past week. It means everything to me.
I was lost. Just like the song says. I was blind. I was blind to my own ways. I thought my way was right. I think most people who are lost feel they are fine and they are alright. No one lives in harmony, I used to think. I must make myself happy. Happiness in what you make of it. I was filled with self-esteem. I pumped myself full of it everyday. That is the only way. I had to be successful. I had to have the right job, the right friends-do all those things to appear right with the world. That is what you do, right? You wake-up, you plan your day. Make sure the kids are dressed and to the babysitters. Work all day. Make sure to plan time for myself. Go home. Dinner. Escape. Wake-up, and start all over again. This routine would be broken up with other things that were usually only for me-to make me happy. They did, but only for a short while.
I remember a horrible thunderstorm. I stood with my 5-year-old son-both of us in fear. He was looking to me for comfort. He said, “Mom, someone told me it thunderstorms because God is mad.” I became instantly enraged. I had convinced myself over the years that God was just as I told my son-“There is no such thing as God! He is just something that someone made up because they were afraid to die. ” I am sure I did not comfort my son.
Within a week of that conversation, a new employee started at my workplace. We had put in a laboratory in the basement and he was the lab tech. His name was Gordy. He was quiet, a hard worker, and a Christian. It was so obvious. When I had to take jobs into the basement for Gordy, he would have his Christian radio on or he would have his Bible on a stand reading while he was working. I would walk right back upstairs and laugh with the other girls about Gordy. I called him a Jesus freak. He was never rude or harsh. He was meek-yet always firm in his beliefs. I tried to trip him up occasionally with my worldly wisdom. He always came back with a truth that seemed so logical to me. My world was filled with logic-yet-I could not comprehend why Gordy’s logic bashed mine every time.
I was called into the Dr.’s office one day for a meeting. Gordy had been there for 6 months. He was going to need a vacation. Someone needed to learn how to work the lab. I was sent to work with Gordy for 8 hours a day in the basement for six months.
God was calling me. His wisdom amazes me. I was ready by then. I was not as much mocking Gordy anymore. I was intrigued. I wanted to prove his belief in creation wrong. I was intelligent. I believed in evolution. I had spent time studying about fossils and how biblical stories were only stories and the parting of the Red Sea was just that. The Sea was parted down the middle on a map. That was that. My wisdom.
Gordy never forced his ideas on me. He just stated truth. He knew he was right-there was a confidence, but not a prideful arrogance. Creation is what drew me in. I was fascinated with his logic. He gave me tapes by Dave Hunt on creation. I listened to them everyday on my 40 minute drive home from work. I was starting to remember.
I remembered my faith as a 10-year-old child. I remembered walking into the Pastor’s office and learning of a place called Hell. I remembered wanting to go to Heaven. I remembered asking Jesus to forgive me for my sin and to please save me. I remembered being a teenager and wanting to please God and even more so my parents. I wanted to do right. I had peace. Jesus was my very best friend. I went off to college. My parents were not there. I had no foundation. I was bombarded by the world and all its pleasures. I began to leave my relationship with my God for a friendship with the world. The world and sin blind. I could not see the path I was traveling. It wandered around so much that I got lost and could not find my way back. I just followed my shadow.
But now my eyes were starting to open.
I was scared. How was I going to live this life God was going to require? I remember standing in the basement. I remember telling Gordy, ‘there is an invisible line and I know my life is going to change if I step over this line.’ I just picked up my foot and stepped over that line. My life did change. It was immediate in some areas and in others, it took learning and time. I learn everyday.
Gordy gave me a Bible. I had not had a Bible in years. I just let it sit on the table day by day. I was so afraid to open it. Gordy found me a Church close to me. I hesitated going. I did go. I cried when we started singing the hymns I remembered. ( Shame on those churches that throw out those songs with such meaning and truth. )
I am so grateful to Gordy. I wish I knew how to contact him. I wish he knew how God used him to give me a foundation to stand on. I wish he knew that I have peace and joy now. I wish he knew. Thank you Gordy. May I try to be a Gordy to someone else.
2 Corinthians 4:6
For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.